so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
