im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
