no, he came in my armpit
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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