If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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