Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him