I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol