I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?