i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.