You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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