Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
