So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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