I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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