Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
