escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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