i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
