Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
