Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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