Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
