i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
