also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
