There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
