You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
