I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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