he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
