this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
