I feel like abortions should bother me more
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
