I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
