Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
