Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
