You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
