I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
