I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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