I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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