You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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