theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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