She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
