We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
