New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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