so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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