Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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