it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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