On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
