As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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