i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
