I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
