drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
