Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize