my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
