wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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