Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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