you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
