I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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