Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
