I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
