he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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