So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
