Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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