I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Randomize
