oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
