I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night