Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (5336) Bad night (909)
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  (714): View more from California

  so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

  (1-714): View more from California

  yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

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  (714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen. (1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... http://tfl.nu/69pu
  Replies (91) Good night (1111) Bad night (2624)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5857) Bad night (1881)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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  (205): The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with. http://tfl.nu/ihrj
  Replies (13) Good night (3987) Bad night (1218)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.

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  (519): so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious. http://tfl.nu/hyyw
  Replies (26) Good night (4116) Bad night (1304)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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  (202): After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/vjgb
  Replies (9) Good night (2697) Bad night (1022)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess

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  (506): Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess http://tfl.nu/9ahd
  Replies (29) Good night (3354) Bad night (1077)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.

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  (704): I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with. http://tfl.nu/hnbu
  Replies (4) Good night (1165) Bad night (2592)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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  (623): Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds. http://tfl.nu/ovdt
  Replies (9) Good night (1059) Bad night (4104)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.

  (607): View more from New York

  I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero

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  (719): And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot. (607): I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero http://tfl.nu/sawz
  Replies (2) Good night (1797) Bad night (446)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.

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  (325): I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol. http://tfl.nu/32t0
  Replies (1) Good night (1313) Bad night (518)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.

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  (920): I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it. http://tfl.nu/sqkc
  Replies (2) Good night (816) Bad night (264)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit

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  (215): I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit http://tfl.nu/jw8x
  Replies (0) Good night (601) Bad night (527)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?

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  (571): Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together? http://tfl.nu/mj4s
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (521)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.

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  (201): i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that. http://tfl.nu/04j5
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (300)

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