you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
