im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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