Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
