I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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