i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
