took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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