I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
