Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
