In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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