Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
