I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
