You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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