Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
