Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.