that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.