was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
