I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins