Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.