I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
