Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said her name was "party"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
