Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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